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My husband is choosing marijuana over our marriage

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#husband #selecting #marijuana #marriage

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband for seven years, and I’m uninterested in having the identical combat day-after-day. He smokes marijuana, and I hate it. It has been a continuing battle for years. We tried remedy, which helped for some time, however he goes again to smoking behind my again. We tried to achieve a compromise that he smoke solely after a sure time of day, however it nonetheless results in fights.

He shuts me out when he’s doing medication and says I don’t care about his happiness as a result of it’s one thing he enjoys, that I’m taking it away. I really like him a lot, however I hate medication and don’t like who he turns into when he’s smoking.

I need to have a child, however I’m uncomfortable with medication being in the home. I really feel like I can’t belief him to be alone with a child when he’s excessive. I don’t need to go away him, however I can’t take it anymore. Having the identical combat day-after-day is exhausting, and it’s had a very damaging influence on our marriage. I need him to decide on me over this, but when I give him an ultimatum, he’ll hate me. What do I do? — ANTI-DRUG IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANTI-DRUG: Give your husband that ultimatum and pack your baggage. Should you want the daddy of your little one not have a marijuana behavior and he can not stop, then, as a lot as chances are you’ll love him, this individual isn’t The One for you. Sorry.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve learn your column for years, often taking recommendation you present to others and making use of it to my circumstances. I’ve developed a mutual bond with a girl who’s 30 — 28 years youthful than myself. She’s a waitress at a diner I frequent. I’ve seen her youngsters develop over the previous six or seven years. We’ve had many significant conversations and shared our highs and lows. She’s naturally pleasant.

Three or 4 years in the past, she started sharing informal facet hugs after I arrived. I by no means ask for them. During the last 12 months, these hugs have grow to be extra intimate, not in a sexual method — only a deeper bond of friendship. We sometimes prompt message when she’s off work, however I don’t see her socially.

Recently, she has been teasing that she’ll be my subsequent ex. I reciprocate the flirting and teasing. I imagine there’s a mutual attraction. If not for the age distinction, which I’m OK with, or the concern of inflicting points with our friendship, I’d ask her out. Societal taboos weigh closely on my thoughts, and I’m pragmatic. Ought to I or shouldn’t I? Or am I studying an excessive amount of into our friendship? — UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: Not having witnessed the chemistry between the 2 of you, I couldn’t say. Nonetheless, nothing ventured, nothing gained. The following time you see her, after a kind of “extra intimate” hugs, inform her teasingly that you’ve got been interested by her remark that she’ll be your subsequent ex and ask if she’d wish to have dinner with you someday. Her response will inform you if in case you have been studying an excessive amount of into the friendship.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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I left L.A. for Hawaii. Would love come my way?

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#left #Hawaii #love


I used to be an L.A. wild baby. I danced on tables and frolicked with my favourite native bands. The Kibitz Room on Fairfax Avenue was my dwelling away from dwelling. Again then, my relationship life consisted of craving for musicians, and my long-term relationships have been principally with blue-eyed bass gamers. At all times the bass gamers! They’re lovely to have a look at however not essentially the kind of people who find themselves eager to calm down and begin a household — like I used to be.

I nonetheless went to reveals, helped carry gear and stayed hopeful whereas writing my very own love songs alongside the best way.

When my constructing in Venice Seaside was being offered and I used to be paid to maneuver out, I jumped on the likelihood for a change of surroundings.

I had attended my greatest good friend’s wedding ceremony in Maui, and I knew that’s the place I used to be headed. Searching for journey and love, I picked up my examine and packed my luggage, and thru a sequence of life-changing coincidences, I moved to a beachfront ohana, a visitor home within the vacationer city of Lahaina. It couldn’t have been extra excellent.

I spent my first day strolling round Entrance Road, the primary drag, hoping to e-book a visit to swim with dolphins. That’s after I met Carrie, an Arkansas transplant working at a ticket kiosk. She booked me on a whale-watching boat named Lanakila, which suggests triumphant in Hawaiian. In her candy Southern drawl, she instructed me she had a sense I’d hit it off with the primary mate, a man named Sean Paul. She additionally let me know the bars he frequented and instructed me to inform him that she had despatched me.

Newcomers to Maui usually expertise a phenomenon referred to as Maui magic, and assembly Carrie that day was definitely kismet. With my ticket in hand and a skip in my step, I arrived on the harbor early the subsequent morning, brimming with confidence whereas sporting crimson lipstick and outsized sun shades — true to my L.A. self.

And there he was.

I watched quietly as he took his time rigorously becoming children with goggles for snorkeling.

Wow, I believed, he’s good with children — an excellent signal. I boldly walked up and launched myself: “Hello, I’m Daybreak. Carrie despatched me.”

He responded with a skeptical “Who?” earlier than taking pictures me a doubtful look and occurring together with his work. A Hawaiian native, he was not impressed with me — this L.A. lady.

Later I discovered that the harbor locals had a saying: The larger the sun shades, the larger the angle.

Because the day on the boat wore on, Sean warmed as much as me, huge sun shades and all.

Holding my hand underwater, he and I snorkeled collectively for hours. Though it was my first time snorkeling, I believed I knew all of it and didn’t really feel I wanted teaching. (It’s a trait I’ve to at the present time.)

“Decelerate and take your time,” Sean stated, instructing me as I rapidly kicked my fins.

Once I retorted with a sassy “I can do what I need” and a smile, he shook his head.

He knew what he was coping with — an L.A. chick. I didn’t swim with dolphins that day, however I swam with Sean. Free-diving deep into the water, he introduced up lovely shells to point out me. He was a real-life Aquaman.

A naturalist, he narrated to passengers because the humpback whales slapped their fins on the water and leapt out of the ocean alongside our boat. As Sean spoke, spinner dolphins joyfully spun within the air whereas swiftly swimming previous us in pods by the tons of. It was an awe-inspiring expertise. Journey and the potential for love have been taking place to me directly.

When the journey was over, I knew it was time to make my transfer. I scribbled down my quantity and handed it to him. I requested him the place he was going for glad hour.

To my shock, he referred to as an hour later. I met him at a sushi bar, and I did many of the speaking. Sean endeared me together with his quiet heat. He shared his sushi with me, purchased me a drink and listened as I instructed him my life story.

On a whim, I instructed him that I may guess his birthday. It was an intuitive parlor trick I had honed over time. “Your birthday is March 7, the seventeenth or the twenty seventh,” I stated. “I’m going to decide on March seventeenth.”

With out saying a phrase, Sean pulled out his driver’s license from his pockets and put it down on the bar. There it was: March 17. Discuss my psychic radar being on that night time!

It was an indication to me that I used to be the place I used to be presupposed to be and with the particular person I used to be presupposed to be with.

He wasn’t an elusive blue-eyed bass participant chasing desires, like I used to be used to. There was no game-playing with Sean. He was a sort and emotionally current waterman I had discovered in the midst of the Pacific Ocean.

The remainder, as they are saying, is historical past. We have been engaged after three months, and I introduced my Hawaiian fiancé again to Southern California, prepared to start out our life collectively. We have been married in Malibu, and my mates in these L.A. bands sang at our wedding ceremony. Nonetheless, settling in L.A. was a problem for a man extra used to sporting fins than being caught in visitors on the 405 Freeway.

Subsequently, we compromised and settled in Ventura County, the place I had been raised. The visitors wasn’t busy, and it was an exquisite place to lift our two kids. Our dwelling in Camarillo is a 12-minute drive on the Pacific Coast Freeway to the seashore, and we’re an hour from L.A., so I can nonetheless see the music I like. As a bonus, we catch sunsets at Level Mugu, which retains us each glad.

L.A. has been good to me. It despatched me on a journey to seek out the person of my wildest desires — in a spot removed from Fairfax however now nonetheless near dwelling.

The creator is a author and intuitive channel residing in Camarillo. She’s on Fb @hummingbirdvisions and Instagram @hummingbird_visions. Her web site is hummingbirdvisions.com.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its wonderful expressions within the L.A. space, and we need to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a broadcast essay. Electronic mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. You’ll find submission tips here. You’ll find previous columns here.

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Inside Southern California’s subculture of mermaid enthusiasts

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#Southern #Californias #subculture #mermaid #fans

Jack Laflin likes to recall the time he wriggled right into a 9-foot-long, 30-pound blue mermaid tail. He’d noticed comparable items behind the scenes of the performing gigs he was attempting to land, however this was his first try to maneuver his method right into a silicon tube.

He questioned if utilizing a little bit of water would assist ease the method — and it did, till the water dried, additional constraining his legs and torso. Alone in his residence and mendacity on his front room ground, Laflin thought of his lack of mobility and thought, “If there’s a hearth alarm, I received’t be capable to get out of right here.”

Laflin had bought the custom-made piece from Mertailor across the time he was fascinated by a profession change. “Once I first moved to L.A., I used to be modeling and performing, and I found out fairly shortly that I didn’t like the best way the business seen me,” stated Laflin, who’s blended race. “I used to be forged both as a thug, a gangster or I used to be a bit of meat on the nightclub.”

Amid the opposite props, the mermaid tail represented the potential of change. He’d been a aggressive swimmer whereas rising up within the San Francisco Bay Space and was assured of his water abilities. Why not marry that have along with his curiosity in leisure and check out that merfolk persona in different settings? Why not attempt to have extra enjoyable with it? In spite of everything, he reminded himself, that is Los Angeles.

Jack Laflin wearing a merman costume while posing in a body of water

Jack Laflin runs Darkish Tide Productions, which employs women and men who carry out at occasions corresponding to birthday events, company galas and Renaissance gala’s.

(Mermaid Wrangler Pictures)

Jack Laflin, dressed as a merman, goes by the stage name of "Merman Jax."

Jack Laflin goes by the stage title of “Merman Jax.”

(Mermaid Wrangler Pictures)

Laflin squirmed and flailed round on the ground for 45 minutes that first time. When he might lastly sit up, he seemed down his torso to examine himself. Half fish, half man, it was a metamorphosis that turned out to be life-altering.

Ten years after he first tried on the set piece in his residence, Laflin, 40, is a full-time merman, a part of a hub of mermaid fans in Southern California who inhabit personas that specific every part from a craving for childhood play and leisure to environmental advocacy and gender identification. Going by the stage title “Merman Jax,” he runs a enterprise that he christened Darkish Tide Productions, which employs a workforce of about 10 women and men who carry out at occasions corresponding to birthday events, company galas, and Renaissance gala’s, typically in water, typically posing by a pool or the doorway of an occasion.

Mermaids are usually extra in demand, Laflin says, as a result of most shoppers choose to go along with a performer who’s female-presenting. However he loves the moments when he’s swimming in a tank or lounging poolside due to the sense of marvel it will possibly encourage.

“It’s a kind of magical issues,” Laflin stated. “Regardless of who it’s, most individuals flip into a child once they see you.”

Sammy Silva’s childhood bed room was a sea of redheads, stuffed to the brim with toys, collectible figurines and blankets from the “The Little Mermaid,” the 1989 animated Disney movie.

The lifelong fan of mermaids realized that their obsession may quantity to one thing greater than a set when, as a teen, they noticed a boy utilizing a monofin — which resembles a pair of swimming fins merged collectively right into a single, flat pane — to swish throughout a public swimming pool. Silva, who identifies as gender nonconforming, was impressed. They seemed up YouTube tutorials on tips on how to create a mermaid tail and crafted their first one utilizing inexperienced wetsuit materials and a wad of masking tape.

“It [felt] pure,” Silva, 34, stated, recalling the primary time they swam in costume. “It’s releasing and playful and really very similar to inner-child pleasure.”

That pleasure blossomed right into a apply, and Silva has actively been a part of the mermaid group during the last 15 years.

“It’s a kind of magical issues, irrespective of who it’s, most individuals flip into a child once they see you.”

— Jack Laflin, merman

They helped launch MerNetwork, a discussion board that has been a outstanding for mermaid fans through the years. “There was a cut-off date the place I knew everyone with a tail,” stated Silva, who lives in Anaheim.

The group has grown into a world phenomenon, however Silva says the brand new additions are welcome — as is the rise of tails and equipment for buy.

Immediately, it’s common to see monofins on the market close to the seashore or a wide range of mermaid dolls lining the cabinets at reward shops related to aquariums. Producers of silicone mermaid tails, as soon as a prop discovered solely in Hollywood, can now be {custom} ordered and fitted for 1000’s of {dollars}. Different firms present beginner-level tails priced at round $50.

Sammy Silva poses at Victoria Beach in Laguna Beach, wearing a mermaid monofin.

Sammy Silva has been a part of the mermaid group during the last 15 years.

(Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Occasions)

Though a lot of the subculture has moved onto Fb, the pages of MerNetwork are nonetheless crammed with recommendations on tips on how to construct a seashell-laden crown and ideas for “tail-friendly” locations to swim in cities throughout the US. A bit of the discussion board devoted to “tail making” has an archive of 1,600 dialog threads and 47,100 particular person posts on the subject.

Mermaid meetups are organized into geographic “pods.” The MerNetwork discussion board hosts pages for the Pod of Cali, the Rocky Mountain Pod, the Chesapeake Pod and the Union of the Pods of the North, representing mermaids throughout Canada. Fb teams vary in measurement from a dozen to greater than 2,500 individuals in search of to purchase and commerce mermaid tails or host gatherings in cities throughout the US.

Column One

A showcase for compelling storytelling from the Los Angeles Occasions.

One of many largest, the California Mermaid Conference, is held in Sacramento. What started as the “Promenade of Mermaids” amongst a couple of pals in 2011 has grown right into a three-day gathering of merfolk that attracted 350 attendees in Might, based on Rachel Smith, one of many co-founders of the conference.

This 12 months’s conference marked the primary time Silva attended with a brand new identification. Through the pandemic, they got here out as nonbinary, modified their title and had prime surgical procedure. It had been a 12 months since their process, and though the surgical space had healed, Silva was nervous. “I had existed as a mermaid for therefore lengthy. I didn’t understand how individuals would settle for me.”

Getting into the pool space on the primary day, Silva wore a rash guard and surf trunks. However because the conference — which included a range panel with different transgender merfolk — continued, their confidence grew. By the final day, uplifted by the effectively needs of the conference’s organizers, Silva entered the pool in full mermaid gear — with a tail and no shirt.

Sammy Silva, wearing full mermaid gear with a tail and no shirt, poses by the beach.

Sammy Silva, who got here out as nonbinary in the course of the pandemic, helped launch MerNetwork, a discussion board for mermaid fans.

(Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Occasions)

That outdated feeling of enjoying within the water returned, that sense of being a grown-up child enjoying “mermaids” within the pool.

It was, Silva stated, “liberating.”

When Gabrielle Rivera dons her mermaid tail and crown, she turns into Nymphia, a persona she developed for performances.

As Rivera, 27, tells it, Nymphia is the reincarnation of a Greek sea goddess, Amphitrite. In human type, she falls in love with a Viking prince, who begins to drown within the ocean. The ocean god Oceanus will permit Nymphia to save lots of him if she sacrifices her reminiscences and her human type and turns into a mermaid.

The character combines a few of the plot factors of “The Little Mermaid” with components of fantasy and Greek mythology, she stated.

Rivera first dabbled in mermaiding as a cosplayer. She grew up in San Diego and, as a teen, stuffed her summers attending Comedian-Con and spending lengthy days on the seashore pretending to be mermaids along with her pals. “I used to be at all times attempting to swim with my legs crossed despite the fact that it doesn’t get you that far,” she stated.

Then she tried out a brand new position based mostly on Ariel, the primary character of “The Little Mermaid.” On the time, Rivera, who’s transgender, had been presenting as male. However in costume, Rivera would use she/her pronouns and found a brand new sense of self, magnificence and energy. “I spotted I wasn’t portraying a personality. I used to be portraying an extension of myself.”

She started her transition quickly after.

Mermaiding has grown into an entire social group for Rivera, and, as a result of she performs professionally, it’s additionally a supply of earnings. Her costume features a purple coral tiara, a necklace with purple gems, a bikini prime embellished with plastic kelp — and a 35-pound silicone tail. (In the event you’re questioning, many performers pair with a companion — typically known as a mer-handler — who will assist them navigate from level A to level B. An enormous fin is conducive to flipping, twisting, draping and posing. Strutting? Not a lot.)

Emily Jordan demonstrates how to sink to the bottom of the pool as a mermaid.

Emily Jordan demonstrates tips on how to sink to the underside of the pool as a mermaid on the LA Mermaid College.

(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Occasions)

Virginia Hankins, proprietor of the LA Mermaid College, has many purchasers who’re occasion performers and actors. Over the last two years, nonetheless, she’s seen a shift as extra people and “newbie” mermaids, slightly than paid performers, contact her firm.

The varsity affords security programs for mermaids in coaching, protecting every part from swim methods to respiratory work to tips on how to blow heart-shaped bubble kisses. The corporate works with roughly 900 shoppers per 12 months, together with youngsters in search of a brand new spin on swimming classes and performers in search of security certifications.

Smith, the conference co-founder, says that individuals are drawn to mermaiding for a lot of causes, probably the most outstanding of which appears to be the longevity of the archetype. (She’s been the lead at Sacramento’s Dive Bar — outfitted with its personal mermaid tank, in fact — because it opened in 2011.) “Aquatic individuals have been a part of our fable and discourse endlessly as a result of people, and each dwelling factor, relies on water,” she stated.

Others respect the athleticism required within the pastime. The 25-minute underwater routines that Smith choreographs demand that performers swim with playfulness and ease, whereas additionally balancing the buoyancy of the mermaid tail and timing to go up for air.

One of the best half? That, Smith says, is when it seems easy.

Hannah Jimenez, left, and Maria Espitia, right, take a mermaiding lesson from instructor Emily Jordan.

Hannah Jimenez, left, and Maria Espitia, proper, take a “mermaiding” lesson from LA Mermaid College teacher Emily Jordan.

(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Occasions)

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Kanye West, Candace Owen flaunt ‘White Lives Matter’ shirts

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Kanye West wore a “White Lives Matter” T-shirt Monday throughout Paris Style Week’s Yeezy runway present. And so did his conservative-pundit pal Candace Owens.

Ye’s long-sleeved black T-shirt with daring white writing on the again served one goal instantly: getting retailers to jot down about Ye’s presentation. However when Owens’ long-sleeved white version joined the combo, with the identical message rendered in black sort, the story bought extra advanced.

Every shirt bore the picture of a pope. Owens’ had Pope John Paul I, whose 33-day tenure on the Vatican was amongst historical past’s shortest, whereas Ye’s confirmed Pope John Paul II, the long-tenured pontiff who died in 2005 and was canonized as a saint in 2014.

Each shirts had the phrases “Juan Pablo” on the backside — Ye’s had a “II” as effectively — and up high, the Spanish phrases “Seguiremos Tu Ejemplo”: “We are going to observe your instance.”

And folks on social media Had Ideas, from tweets about how the duo was “living rent free in a bunch of Leftist heads proper now” to remarks about how they have been “standing in solidarity for ignorance” and “You don’t have to be white to uphold white supremacy and anti-Blackness.” On Twitter, there have been many extra feedback according to the latter feedback than the primary one, with the ratio working within the different course on Reality Social.

“Seeing Ye and Candace each in that shirt hurts my soul. No matter nuance there was as a part of his trend present pales compared to seeing somebody who’s so politically harmful and reprehensible standing there with Ye, emblazoned with that phrase,” the “Watching the Throne” podcast account tweeted, reminding those that there was a trend present happening too.

Solely 50 individuals have been reportedly invited in to see the Yeezy Season 9 presentation, a.okay.a. YZY SZN 9, however anybody who wished to may tune in for the dwell stream on the yzyszn9.com web site. Now the positioning reveals solely a blob of digital snow.

Additionally invited? A multitude of young members from the Donda Academy Gospel Choir. Yep, the children who went viral for singing that “Good Morning Donda” tune.

Notably, the “White Lives Matter” visible got here a day after West’s modeling debut. The rapper-entrepreneur really did his little activate the Balenciaga catwalk Sunday in Paris, armored up in a boxy, all-black outfit that includes an outsized cargo jacket and outsized pants.

“Ye taking part in an excessive amount of Roblox,” one commenter wrote on Ye’s TikTok post from the present.

The rapper’s daring, targeted stride on the runway — by a darkened form of muddy moonscape scene, no much less — drew probably the most consideration.

“Ye on a mission,” one commenter wrote on TikTok.

“How I left the shop as a child whereas hiding a bit of sweet in my pocket,” mentioned one other.

However a minimum of anyone was listening to the style.

“Think about,” they wrote, “tryna discover ya cellphone in that factor.”

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